There was a time when walking into a bank felt like walking into a battlefield. I would enter armed with facts, rules and confidence. If something was wrong, I would make sure the staff knew it. I was a Chartered Accountant, and somewhere deep inside I believed that if I spoke forcefully enough, quoted enough regulations and threatened enough consequences, the problem would get solved. Sometimes it did. Most times, it only made the conversation harder.
Recently, I found myself in a similar situation. A penalty had been levied on a client’s overdraft account for the non-submission of renewal documents. I genuinely believed the charge was unfair because it had neither been disclosed earlier nor communicated to the client. As I walked into the bank, I realised something had changed. This time, I wasn’t interested in proving that I was right. I simply wanted to explain my concern. I spoke softly. I listened. I requested. I wasn’t trying to intimidate anyone.
To my surprise, something unexpected happened. The bank staff didn’t become defensive. They became supportive. In fact, they were more upset with their Head Office than I was. “Sir,” one of them said, “please give us a request letter. We’ll reverse the charges immediately.” I walked out of the bank with the issue resolved.
But that wasn’t the biggest takeaway. The realisation came a little later. Years ago, I believed that authority solved problems.
Today, I discovered that humility often solves them better. When we approach people aggressively, they instinctively defend themselves—even if they know we are right. When we approach them with respect, they often stop being gatekeepers and become partners.
Looking back, I smile at my younger self. He thought speaking loudly made him stronger. Life has quietly taught me that sometimes the softest voice carries the greatest influence.
Perhaps growing older is not about becoming more knowledgeable.
Perhaps it is about becoming gentler.
And sometimes, that gentleness opens doors that force never could.